The Failures
–
“You’re late, ” Da Ming shouted at Jessica as she reached for his bags.
“Why?”
“I had to do something, ” Jessica replied meekly. She walked to the car and opened the door for Da Ming. Da Ming got into the car, slamming the door behind him.
“Look, I’m not even asking for a reason, but you could at least make some effort to give a plausible excuse, ” Da Ming continued after Jessica got into the driver’s seat.
“I’m sorry. Traffic was bad, ” Jessica answered, biting her lips. If only he knew …
“Traffic is always bad. You should leave the house earlier.”
Jessica sighed. She did leave the house earlier today but Da Ming could not know what she had been doing, at least not yet.
“It is tardiness like this that resulted in you not amounting to anything. Do you want to live your life like that? Being nothing, ” Da Ming continued his abusive rant.
“I’m sorry Da Ming. I’m really trying my best.”
“Evidently, it isn’t good enough. For me, ” Da Ming punctuated the last sentence with a curse muttered under his breath.
The rest of the journey home continued in silence, silence that Jessica was grateful for.
–
Da Ming anxiously loaded the data from his iPhone to his computer. Today’s performance was an improvement from last week’s and he was curious to discover how he had performed against the rest.
“Damn it, ” Da Ming cursed when he saw the leaderboard. “Fifth. Damn it. I’m fifth.”
Standing at the door to Da Ming’s room, Jessica sighed. She wanted to give her son a hug, to tell him that everything was fine and that she loved him. But she couldn’t. A man does not get hugs from his mother.
Da Ming knew his mom was watching him though he was oblivious to the pain she was feeling. All he knew was that he was hungry and she wasn’t preparing his meal.
“I do need to eat, ” Da Ming said, without turning his head.
–
“Where is Jessica, ” asked his counsellor over Skype.
“In the kitchen preparing my meal, ” Da Ming answered. “Could we have this conversation with video, ” Da Ming asked tentatively.
There was a pause. Da Ming wondered if he had finally overstepped his boundaries with yet another request. He couldn’t help it. Melissa, his counsellor, was a beautiful lady and there was something about seeing her face, especially her smile, which was a balm to the pain he felt each day for not being good enough.
A window popped up on the screen. A request to start a video conversation. He accepted.
Melissa’s face appeared. Da Ming blushed.
“Your performance this week was better than last week’s but, ” Melissa paused, looking up from her screen, ” it still isn’t good enough. You have to improve more.”
“I know, ” Da Ming replied, looking down at his feet, ashamed to face the gaze of Melissa. He knew he had disappointed her.
“It isn’t about how well you do. It is about how much better you do compared to others. There can only be 1 champion. Do you want to be part of the group of many losers?”
“No, ” Da Ming answered meekly.
“You were 4th last week. Today, you’re 5th. That’s borderline acceptable. More weeks like this and you will be out of the top ten. Soon, you’ll be nothing.”
“I will do better, ” Da Ming looked up and replied defiantly, ” I will accept nothing less from myself.”
Melissa’s lips curled upwards slightly. “That’s good, ” she said in a soften tone, “How is Jesssica? Is she taking proper care of you? I’ve been looking at your dietary report. She seems to be feeding you less. Are you getting enough for your daily activities?”
“Yes I am. I don’t feel lethargic.”
“Good. We are assessing Jessica so your honest feedback is required. I have to go. Is there anything else you want to discuss?”
“No. Thanks for talking to me.”
—
After the video-call ended, Da Ming received a text on his gPhone.
“Calls with counsellors are monitored for service quality. Please enter a number from 1 to 10 to rate your counsellor.”
Da Ming replied with a 10. Seeing Melissa had comforted him.
—
Jessica measured carefully. She had been giving Da Ming less than the specified optimal amount of daily sugar intake for the last two weeks. As long as she didn’t go below the minimum amount of daily sugar intake, there would be no issues. In any case, she would soon be bringing up the monthly average in a few days time. That meal would overshoot the maximum allowed amount for daily sugar intake but it would be fine. The dietary specialists had made allowances for the rare deviation.
Besides, the forum seemed to indicate that all the mothers were doing it at least once a year. It was an open secret and the government had not taken any issue with this tip that had been posted to the forum.
Jessica sighed. Da Ming was growing up so fast. Soon he would pass that invisible threshold that marked a person from being someone with potential to an individual who will never realize his potential – a could-have-been that never was.
Family members would soon talk about Da Ming less glowingly. “He had so much potential as a child, ” they would say, shaking their heads, ” but look what happened to him. What a waste. He isn’t the best in anything.”
Jessica shuddered. The State would then add reproachfully, “It was the parents. It was their fault.”
“Where’s my dinner, ” Da Ming shouted from the dining room.
“Coming, ” Jessica replied, returning from her thoughts, leaving her worries behind. She had a meal to finish.
—
As Timothy walked into the house, his burdens were lifted. Jessica was always a sight to behold, especially when she tied her hair in a bun. He liked her hair that way. More than her looks, it was her love that gave peace to his heart. Just finally being in the same room with someone who loved him for everything, not just assessing his abilities and earning strength, but accepting all his faults.
More importantly, she was one of those rare ones, with a spirit that always saw hope even in the darkest of heartless non-leaderboards. She was determined to make a better family with him and seeing her smile at him, knowing in that moment when their eyes met each day after he stepped through the door was a sharing of joy to finally being able to see each other, renewed his strength to work for their dreams.
“How was your day son, ” Timothy asked Da Ming, turning his attention to their son.
“Poor. I dropped a position today.”
“Don’t worry son. You’ll do better. What’s more important is that you have given your best today.”
“Dad, ” Da Ming turned, looking at Timothy with a chilling stare, ” firstly I’m not worried. I’m disappointed in myself. Second, please do not waste your platitudes on me. I’m not attending some self-help course. And you of all people should know that doing your best means nothing.”
Jessica saw it in her husband’s eyes. He had instinctively retreated into his past, stung by Da Ming’s words. Jessica felt Timothy’s pain. He was once like Da Ming. Marked for greatness. The leaderboards proclaimed him in the top 1%. It was a time when percentages mattered. Now, only one number matters. 1. Be the best or be nothing.
“Son, your dad just wants to encourage you, ” Jessica entered the conversation.
“I don’t need encouragement. I need you to demand more from me and maybe then, you might start to see that you need to demand more of him.”
“Da Ming, the positions mean little in a competition.”
“The positions don’t matter? Of course it matters. It is a statement that in a competition that there are 4 individuals who will beat me. It is a measure of my total lack of chances to be number 1.”
“There is something no software can ever measure, ” Timothy said encouragingly, trying to regain himself, ” and that’s the soul of a man. I remember once playing a match against the top-seeded player in badminton and I was down 2 sets. I dug dig, took the 3rd set, fought back and I won 5 sets to 3.”
“Was that the only time it happened? When you defeated someone seeded higher than you? I bet it was. And sure, dad, ” Da Ming continued condescendingly, ” you might have beaten a top seed. Once. But before competitions, there are trainings. Who do you think will get access to the best coach, the best equipment, the best sponsorships? Once you start giving someone all that advantage, the momentum keeps him at number 1. Soon, I’m going to lose the chance to kickstart that momentum.”
The last sentence hit Timothy and Jessica with the icy impact of a doctor’s prognosis of impending death.
—
Melissa looked up at the frame resting on her drawer, and smiled as she saw the picture of her son. The picture had been taken a few days after he had been born. The nurse had brought him to Melissa before he was to be taken away by the State. He would be twelve years old soon. Melissa curled up against her pillow, trying to remember his scent.
—
Timothy and Jessica laid on the couch bed, looking up at the ceiling fan. Jessica’s head rested on Timothy’s shoulder as he used his right hand to stroke her hair.
“I’m sorry about Da Ming. I was late in picking him up today.”
“How was the lesson, ” Timothy asked.
“We did practice papers today. I got a B for all of them.”
“That’s great.”
Jessica turned to look at Timothy, resting on her left arm. “I’m concerned about my assessment.”
“Don’t worry dear, ” Timothy replied, trying to be comforting though he too was burdened about the coming assessment, ” Da Ming knows you have been a good mother.”
“I saw him looking at traffic reports from Google Maps after dinner. He was checking for traffic jams before the pickup time.”
“You told him that you were stuck in traffic, ” Timothy asked, though he already knew the answer.
“Yeah.”
“Were you?”
“I was.”
Timothy sighed with relief. Da Ming could be relentless in pursuing the truth and if the realtime data from Google Maps had shown no traffic jams, he would surely have reported against Jessica.
“Although, ” Jessica continued, “I could have been early if I didn’t stop to get a present for him.”
—
“Young men and women, ” the Minister of National Development started to address the hundreds of teenagers who were eligible for National Service, ” 15 years ago, on this 1st day of January, our government, our people, this country, finally saw the obvious. And not only did we see the obvious, we boldly made a decision that culminated in the first baby born to the state 2 years and 9 months later.”
“Let me explain to you the decision lest you have forgotten it from your National Education lessons.”
The crowd chuckled. Forget a National Education lesson? Who would dare? An ‘A’ grade in National Education was a pre-requisite for tertiary education.
“For years, we made people take a driving test to obtain a license before he or she can drive a car. Before they can take the test, we make them take two theoretical tests and at least 20 practical lessons. But, ” the Minister paused, scanning the crowd, knowing the youth already knew what he was going to say next, “we allow ANYONE with a penis and not enough money or common sense to do family planning to have a child.”
“ANYONE!”
The crowd roared in disapproval.
“We had a problem. The smart Singaporeans weren’t having enough children. Too busy forging a career. And we needed that. We needed our best to do their best. To become titans in their industry.”
The crowded cheered in agreement.
“The poor. Those who had no money. Those without any sense to hire a family planning consultant. They were reproducing like rabbits. If only they had the brains to understand the Fibonacci sequence.”
The crowded laughed.
“We were starting to have a lot of stupid. Not enough smarts. And I’ll be the first to admit, my party, your government made a mistake. Wooing foreign talents, hoping they become PRs, hoping they become citizens, that was a band-aid solution. A quick fix.”
“And we presented a new solution to you. A better one. One that went against certain social conventions. And the country agreed with us after the referendum. And that is why you are here today. To make the difference. To create our future!”
The crowd broke into rapturous applause.
“Those of you who are here have been selected because you are the best of your generation. We have found each one of you an ideal partner.”
“Your child will be perfect.”
—
Timothy reached across the table and held Melissa’s hand. Once a year, this was the only contact they allowed each other even though they had once been much closer.
They had been Partners.
The first pregnancy had some complications resulting in Melissa being sterile. After her downgrade in status, she had been transferred to the Child Raising Unit.
Who knows what might have happened if they had produced a second child together. The State actively uses financial incentives to encourage Partners to marry after National Service.
Nature and Nurture. Who best to raise the creation of two excellent Partners then the Partners themselves.
But the heart has a funny way of wandering from a plan. Even the State’s. While Timothy and Melissa had affection for each other, it had not blossomed into love largely due to Melissa withdrawing into a shell after learning she could never have another child.
During his university studies, Timothy met Jessica and while the first meeting had been anything but auspicious, eventually they gave their hearts to each other. Jessica had not qualified to be a Partner. She had only been an ‘O’ Level graduate, not good enough to be in the ‘A’ Level stream. Fortunately for them, her performance in Art School was sufficient to give her a Parent status, which is why Da Ming ended up in their care instead of the State’s Child Raising Unit (*).
(*) Melissa could not have become the Parent of Da Ming. After becoming sterile, the State disallows a woman from marrying a Partner become it means the waste of a male Partner resource as he would not be able to produce the minimum number of 2 love children which the Child Producing Act allowed and demanded. A female Partner was also not allowed to marry unfit (those not qualified to be Partners) males – they were beneath her status. Either by choice or sterility, single female Partners would then only be able to fulfill the role of Counsellor.
“Da Ming should be back from his practice soon, ” Melissa said, squeezing Timothy’s hand. “I had better go home now to wait for his call.”
Timothy reluctantly let her hand slip from his grasp as she stood up to leave the table.
“Don’t forget the present, ” Melissa reminded Timothy as she left the cafe.
—
Timothy quietly snuck into bed. He turned towards the sleeping Jessica and gently stroked her hair. Today had been the big exam.
5 papers.
1 practical examination.
The State had passed a law allowing Parents who had shown competency, if not excellence, to upgrade their Status to Qualified Partner.
The last few years had been tough for Jessica as she took lessons, determined to have a love child with him.
She needed to pass 5 papers testing her intellectual capabilities. She also needed to show excellence in her chosen profession. The State allowed people who did not display excellent results as a generalist to prove they were at least an excellent specialist. The practical examination had been prepared to test Jessica’s abilities as a florist.
Timothy was confident about that part of the review. He was concerned more about Da Ming’s feedback. Melissa had told him Da Ming’s reports had been mixed recently.
Jessica turned toward him.
“I’m sorry I woke you up, ” Timothy apologized.
“It’s alright. I like it when you stroke my hair, ” Jessica said, reaching out with her right hand to pull Timothy closer. Timothy leaned in to give her a kiss.
“You should sleep, ” Jessica said, breaking away from the kiss. “You have a long day tomorrow in front of the Partner Review Committee.”
Timothy turned to rest on his back.
Tomorrow would be a long day indeed. He would have to present his case to the PRC on how Jessica had earned and deserved an upgrade.
But whatever the result of the review, he knew that Jessica and him had to always hold steadfast to their dreams, never giving up hope in the pursuit of a better life. For once they allowed the State to crush their spirit with two digit classification codes stored as bits in servers buried deep within the Ministries, they would have then indeed failed.
