Ian On The Red Dot

Here is something that I just thought of. Why did God create Adam with a dick if Eve was an afterthought? No seriously, think about it. Below are two relevant passages from the Bible.

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.” 29 And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. 30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so. 31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 So out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; 22 and the rib which the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

I don’t know how you want to interpret the second passage, but it sure looks like women were an afterthought or in this case, Eve was. Which means, Adam had a penis even before there was a women to use it with or even before God anticipated that there would be a women to use it with. Remember, God’s first option was to find a helper for Adam from among the ranks of existing animals even before considering creating Eve.

So, what use would a penis be to Adam before Eve was created? Unless of course God only gave a penis to Adam after Eve was created but the Bible makes no mention of that. Maybe the Bible didn’t want a R-rating but we know that can’t possibly be the case….so… If the penis in its current form was supposed to come only after Eve was created, the Bible sure didn’t mention anything about Adam being surprised with a new instrument so…. But God is supposed to be omniscient, right? So the penis in its current form only after Eve was created doesn’t sound like a God who knows everything, past, present and future.

I mean, seriously. What’s the use? Ok … Maybe Adam needed the penis to piss. After all, the penis isn’t just a pleasure device but also a waste disposal device. But it is also a reproductive device, which meant well, Adam was supposed to use it for reproduction. Somehow.

Further thinking about this question breeds some disturbing thoughts.

Let’s say the penis was to be used for normal reproductive, pleasure and waste disposal purposes right from the start. Since Eve was an afterthought, Adam had to use it with someone or something.

Maybe in the first relevant passage, the reference to ‘male and female’ meant that God created Adam with someone else at the same time. Which means, well, Adam basically going to get it on with his sister. Sounds pretty incestuous.

Or maybe, Adam was supposed to be both male and female - a hermaphrodite. So basically, Adam could just go screw himself. Or maybe if Adam was supposed to be a metaphor for Men in general, then, ahem, homosexuality might have been intended by God, because well, there were male and female among the Men.

But let’s say Adam was really just one person. That ‘male and female’ referred to both Adam and Eve. Then even though Eve was an afterthought, she was still created as an afterthought on the sixth day.

But wait! apparently, a day to God is different from a day to man. So, Adam was walking around for some time with an organ that was basically unable to be used for two out of three purposes - pleasure and reproducing. Sounds pretty wasteful and doesn’t sound like the work of an omniscient God.

Unless..

Unless of course masturbation isn’t really such a sin that Christians say it is.

Or, well, bestality isn’t as unnatural as it is.

Hmmmm…..

Damn a lot of problems with this story.

I refrained from Googling about this until I wrote this post.

Not surprisingly, I’m not the first one to think about this. Read here and here.

Updated: Let’s say that Eve and the penis was an afterthought - that God only thought about us going forth to be fruitful and multiply only after Eve was created along with a new organ being added to Adam. You know what. It does seem God didn’t think out this human experiment very well. He went with the flow….

It’s like God got lonely. Created Adam. Realized Adam was lonely. Created Eve. Thought what the heck, these two look so cute. God became lazy to make more - he believes in a six day work life (as opposed to a six day work week). Told Adam and Eve to make more themselves. Got bored. Decided to go play golf with Gabriel and then head over to Valhalla to party with the Asgardians.