Via: metafilter, I discovered Jack Handey. The stuff he writes is hilarious.
His site: Deep Thoughts By Jack Handey
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey posted to the Saturday Night Live newsgroup -
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
several of us died of tuberculosis.
How I Want To Be Remembered by Jack Handey in The New Yorker
He was fabulously wealthy, but he would pretend to be broke, and often tried to borrow cigarettes and money from people. Little did they know that those who gave him stuff would later be rewarded in his will, with jewels and antigravity helmets. Women who refused to have sex with him are probably wishing that they could turn back the clock and say yes.