Ian On The Red Dot

A while ago, I shared a site about a gal who wanted to chronicle the last 90 days of her life before she killed herself. It has been revealed to be a hoax, or more specifically an ‘art project’. Gawker has the post she wrote explaining the project and her intentions.

Would the internet be yet another place of isolation to her or an escape? If she remained vocal about her intentions would anyone bother asking “why” or even noticing before the fact? Would the reaction (if any) of the public change her intentions?

I thought this mirror might reflect the isolation everyday people feel and the lack of true human connection on the internet.

It is my feeling that the internet is the best and worst example of
human interaction.

The post struck a chord with me. I have been blessed with loving friends and family but there have been extended periods and fleeting moments when I feel the alienation and isolation ‘Jane’ talks about.

The funny thing is that sometimes there are just stuff you cannot share with the people who would most likely bother to listen, care and help. It could be out of shame, guilt, pride or a myriad other unfathomable reasons. Sometimes we try to protect others from the ‘burdens we ourselves must carry’.

Other times, we do try to tell people we need help but not sure how. We try in our own way to silently cry out for help. Or we do something explosive to draw attention to ourselves. Yet, people listen but they do not hear us. They look at us but do not see what is really going on. Is it out of apathy? Out of blurness?

Sometimes, we want to speak out what we feel and think to no one in particular. No one needs to hear what we say or read what we write. The very act of giving form to our thoughts and emotions is a healing experience.

I remember a slope beside my last apartment block. Whenever I felt frustrated, I would ride my bicycle down the slope. Actually, I would speed down the slope. The end of the slope was a pavement running perpendicular to it. The pavement was short in width and on its other side was a plunge down to the carpark one level below. There was something liberating about speeding down that slope as the edge of the pavement zoomed into focus. I would try to see how close to the edge I could get before applying the breaks without going off it.

The Internet now gives us another avenue to confess much like the confession booth in a church. Except this time, we get to confess not to one person but to everyone and yet no one. Do we ‘confess’ on the net for the same reasons? Are we finding another place to lay down our burdens and seek absolution?

The sad thing is while the Internet gives us a place to escape from our alienation and isolation, it exposes us to the worse of the very things that leads to people feeling alienated and isolated – hate, immaturity and apathy.

Anyway, about a week ago, I discovered two sites that are providing a means for people to release and confess.

PostSecret
AngryJournalist.com

In the end, I have the vague feeling we aren’t so much seeking attention or absolution from others, but desiring closure, a way to forget and most importantly finding the capacity to forgive ourselves.

—————————————————–

Here is the Wikipedia entry about Christine Chubbuck who was mentioned in the post by ‘90 Day Jane’.