Ian On The Red Dot

The totally worship-worthy Geek Goddess talks about guys who pump and dump or at least talk about it. Let’s forget about the guys who do not walk the talk and focus on those who actually do the pumping and dumping.

Disclaimer: ‘Pump and Dump’ is a phrase that kinda belongs to a friend of a friend.

The paragraph that launched a thousand keystrokes:

“You don’t know meh? Alot of guys just to have a f**k buddy, you think they really want to stick with their girlfriends faithfully forever meh? Don’t be silly lah, s’pore guys won’t settle down with the last fling until they reach 35. And never get those clingy GFs, they will commit suicide if you dump them, just get one that you can f**k and dump, who cares about commitment?”

What crosses the line for me is the fact that he outrightly says this, in front of his friends.

Before we go into why they do it, Estee shares the thing that gets her is that he openly says it. What’s wrong with that. I rather a guy tell me, ‘fuck you, I’m going to fuck you over in this business partnership once I get the chance’ then have a friend say, ‘no contract needed, just a handshake, cos we are friends and you know, I’ll never cheat you’.

Basically, I like a guy who says what he means, is constant and isn’t afraid to share his stand.

So, why do they do it? Estee has a few theories of her own. She divides these guys into 3 categories:

1. The young and immature.

Why is pumping and dumping women an immature act? Lots of people do pumping and dumping and not just in a sexual way. Also, there are many kinds of relationships and I don’t think a guy is any less mature if he doesn’t want a committed one.

2. The jaded.

3. Those who have never loved before.

So, you know why guys pump and dump. Simple. BECAUSE THEY CAN. I mean, look at what the person leaving the comment continued to say after sharing what the ‘despicable’ guy said.

I suspect alot of guys are like this, well, at least those who look ‘passable’. the other option would be the CMI geeks. Tell me, what is a girl to do in sg? How to find a good guy who doesn’t have the intention to f**k and dump?…sigh…

Well, you want to know how to find a guy who doesn’t have the intention to fuck and dump? Simple. Don’t fuck before marriage. That could be one suggestion. Don’t let people eat the tohfu until they have paid for the meal or at least you have the credit card to charge to their account.

Or maybe, moderate your standards. You want to label people Cannot Make It and go for those that can make it and seem to consider those who don’t look good as an unenviable option , of course you are going to attract a certain kind of crowd. Besides, what’s wrong with geeks who cannot make it by whatever absurd, bullshit superficial standard you have (notice, she talks about looks in that comment).

Gosh.

Guys pump and dump because they can. I suspect most guys would pump and dump if they could. The guys who don’t pump and dump are:

1. Those who think God is watching. (he isn’t)

2. Those who can’t.

3. Those who haven’t been caught.

So, what sort of guys can? They are those that (and this isn’t an exhaustive list nor do the guys need to have all these attributes ) are rich, good looking, hunky, intelligent and charming.

Now, I know some of you might be saying this – ‘but there are some guys who really cannot make it leh, yet still got a chance to pump and dump’.

Simple. The market is imperfect. Women do not have information on all the guys out there. So within their limited social circle (say all the people in Toa Payoh who go to XXX school who like to hang out at XXX location), as long as a guy is the top dog there by whatever arbitrary standards a girl might have, he is going to get some action. Now, guys, the imperfect information works in your favour, so don’t go and get smart and think of some Web2.0ish idea to improve the market.

The conceivable problem with being a player is that it is hard to sustain the advantage that allows you to be a player. Age and the degradation of the body are two things that are impossible to fight against although the latter can be mitigated with money.

The other conceivable problem is that a player might decide to not be a player for whatever reasons like wanting to father a legitimate child thus needing to get married but not wanting to lose any assets in the eventuality of getting caught. Or maybe he decides he doesn’t mind eating the same sushi everyday.

Now, at that point, the choices are rather limited unless you are the top tier of players which is by definition a small group. So, what are your choices? The funny thing is this, most guys want one kind of girl when they are being a player, but when they think about getting married, they want another kind – sweet, homely, virtuous … kind. I am generalizing and stereotyping but I have seen enough of my peers to know there is some truth in this. The problem is this, at that age, most of these girls are already taken and it is harder to get them (every contract after all is negotiable, even the marriage contract) or there is too little of them going around (after all, in the prime, the players themselves were responsible for reducing the pool of nice sweet, homely, virtuous … girls).

So, what’s the solution? Go younger or go foreign.

Now, I totally laughed when Estee shared that girls are smart and will wise up to these sort of players. REALLY? I think Estee is really the exception to the rule because I think most girls don’t learn.

They may be wary but there is something about humans that make us always think we are the only that will change that guy or girl. We all have these ridiculous notions of our own value that we think we can be the one to ’save’ that guy and girl from the philandering unfaithful or just plain fear-of-commitment ways.

Also, the very fact that a guy has a string of past relationships show that he knows his stuff. Even if a girl is wise, which is a rarity, I think the safer option is not to even enter the lion’s den. But, no, we all like to play with fire. We ALL think we can handle it. That we won’t fall for the same scam.

I want to leave you all with this. Estee and I, when writing our blog posts, are stereotyping and generalizing. But the world isn’t like that. Humans are complex and we can’t all be painted or rather typed with the same keystrokes. So, if you didn’t read anything in this post, I hope you would read the last two paragraphs.

If you play a game with certain rules, the rules are going to constrain your rewards. You can’t play chess and hope to win the game by getting the most money. That’s monopoly. So, the key thing about this life is this, you got to decide what values you hold dear and what are your priorities, then find someone who is like-minded and hopefully you get a chance to build a strong, loving and lasting relationship with that person.

The thing is this – humans are selfish. I know we have our moments, but the rule when dealing with a human should be is that humans are selfish. For guys, somehow, there is a big score card in our individual and collective male consciousness that is tallied based on the quality of women we get to bang and the number. This isn’t the only thing that governs our thoughts, decisions and actions, but it is a big part of our psychological and biological makeup. A guy who can pump and dump is more likely to do so than one who doesn’t. So, to answer the question of Estee’s reader, the way to find a good guy is simple – manage your expectations and always be mindful of which game you are playing and more importantly, which game the other guy is playing. Some guys are playing the get-to-heaven game or the treat-women-with-respect-because-i-want-my-sister-to-be-treated-same-way game. They are better candidates.