So, some guy took a rifle and ammo out of camp and now will probably face rather harsh penalties. The media is all over this and is attributing his actions to a failed relationship. I just totally love the interview that was done with the ex-gf. Seriously, go to ping.sg and follow the story.
Here is what I love about the interview done with the girlfriend. It is done in such a way that the previous threats against the girl by the guy is used as a motivation behind the guy taking the rifle out of camp. It is not explicitly mentioned, but I sense the deft hands of the media is working to give us the impression that he was going to use the weapon on her.
Correct? Wrong? Who knows. But it would be nice to not sabo the guy’s chance of getting a lesser punishment.
But this post isn’t just about this guy. This post is about NS.
I remember my first day at NS. An officer asked all of us assembled who was attached. A good number of my peers put up their hands. He said, “Prepare to be single.”
He went on to explain that some bastard guy in NUS will try to steal your gf. Especially if she stays in hall. He told us not to worry. One day it will be our turn to take some other poor guy’s girlfriend.
It is how it works. At least that is what he told us. I think it just happened to him.
The reasoning behind this is that women are weak. They want attention and national service will prevent the guy from giving that attention. So they will look for attention elsewhere if not welcome it from whoever wants to give it to them. The classic excuse in such argument pertaining to this will be as follows:
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GUY: Why do you keep going out with him?
GIRL: Ok what. We are just friends.
GUY: NO! He likes you lah. Don’t you know?
GIRL(lying to herself): No lah. He is a nice guy. We are just friends. He doesn’t like me.
GUY: He likes you!
GIRL: Ok. But so what? I don’t like him. So why can’t I just go out with him. I only treat him as a friend. Don’t worry.
——————————————————————
I can’t begin to explain how the girl is setting the relationship up for a fall. Granted not all women are like this, but I can say, I have known enough Singaporean girls to say that a significant number like to deceive themselves. And they have a really deluded notion of the honour in man. Seriously? You girls really trust us that much?
And guys, we smell bullshit. I mean, a good number of us have been in the position of the other guy. And our conversation with said girl would be:
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GIRL: I don’t understand Dick. He doesn’t like me to go out with you. I already told him we are just friends and that you don’t like me.
GUY(lying through his teeth): Yeah lah. I don’t like you. Just friends hanging out also cannot.
GIRL: Sigh…
GUY: He damn possessive and insecure hor.
GIRL: Sigh….
GUY to self: I am wearing her down. YES!
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Girls, here is the thing. If he is really interested in being your friend, he won’t mind group outings among other things even if it is group outings all the time. Rope in other single female friends (I use others, cos you are effectively single) and get that guy to rope in other friends. Do this all the time. Rinse. Repeat. And he won’t discuss your bf problems with you. I’m not saying that guy friends shouldn’t be there as emotional support for female friends, but it would be wiser to have group counseling if it is impossible to get her to speak to another female friend. Why?
Because humans are weak. The standard conversation in the mind of a guy facing problems with the girlfriend is recreated below.
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GIRL: I understand how you feel about Jane (i.e. the gf).
GUY to self: Rachel really understands me. Why can’t Jane be like her?
GIRL: (words are coming out of mouth but guy not really paying attention)
GUY to self: I mean, why can’t Jane be like Rachel and realize I need my space and it is not that I don’t love her, but a guy needs to be able to watch soccer once a week with his guy friends. Damn it. Hell, I think Rachel would join us to watch those matches.
GIRL: (words are coming out of mouth but guy not really paying attention)
GUY to self: Why didn’t I chase Rachel?
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Guys are not exempt from putting themselves in positions where the relationship with their gfs are vulnerable. The difference is guys are bastards. We actively seek out such situations. Girls are weak. They deceive themselves into such positions. Generalizations. Most definitely. But do a count, an honest count of your friends and you will know what I mean.
Regarding insecurity and possessiveness, there are many times based on the conversations with friends, I notice how people create situations which just breed and fester these negative emotions in their partners. Granted some people are emotionally and mentally weak and more susceptible to such stuff, the thing about love is that if you know your partner is like this and since you have chosen to be with that person, sacrifice and compromise needs to come in. Guys, you don’t really need that many female friends. And Girls, you don’t really need that many guy friends. But hey, we all like to hedge. Don’t we?
But this post is about NS. And how some people are not cut out for it.
NS is tough. Not as tough as the kind our dads went through, but they are cut from a different cloth. They were tougher. We? We are weak, and so while our dads would probably laugh at what we do for NS now, it is tough for us because we are weaker. Sweeping statements? Maybe, but touch your heart and hope to die, do you actually think our NS is the same as our dads? And do you actually think we are as tough as them?
NS fucks around with the mind especially if you resent that you have to do it. Some people manage to integrate NS with their civilian life but some can’t. Some see NS as an encroachment to their real life and they resent it. Some people can’t prevent their personal (seriously though, aren’t all problems personal?) problems from affecting their NS and some can’t prevent the NS shit (i.e. guard duty, sergeant asking you to knock it down cos you don’t carry his balls, officer from that fucked up jc damn guai lan cos he scholar) from affecting their civilian life. Transference and all that nonsense.
We didn’t choose to do NS. It is our duty. Some welcome it, some resent it, some cope with it but not all.
Do we really think it is advisable to put all our guys through something they might not be able to deal with and which might screw up the rest of their lives. Not exactly making them thieves because we don’t give them food and they have to steal bread, but it is somewhere there? No?
Of course, some people will point out that most of us guys have passed through NS and have coped with it just fine. We didn’t messed up out lives during NS and those who did, we probably have found some other way to messed it up anyhow - Geniuses tend to be like that.
The operative word is cope. Very few people thrive during their time in NS. Some people have learned stuff that benefited them later on in life but then again, there are many ways to learn that fire can burn your skin - you don’t exactly need to touch fire to do that. About people messing up their life anyway because they are inclined to be screwed up, the thing is while there may be a set of such people, might not NS help create more of such people by putting people who can’t deal with it in it?
Coping. I know of guys who started visiting prostitutes just to deal with the loneliness. Some guys turned to religion. Some started reading. Some started to take classes. Some smoked.
Coping. Some had the support to live through NS. Some didn’t. Some will. Some won’t.
Me? I effectively managed to compartmentalize my life. Nothing civilian stepped into camp. Nothing NS entered the home. I put a pause on my life. No integrating, ns-life balance for me. I was a dog to the state for those 2 and a half years (seriously, why do you thing it is called a dog tag?). Weekends are not entitlements, they are privileges. I chose not to book out for some days preferring to stay in camp. Social stuff was trimmed - nothing frustrates a person more when he has made plans with friends only to cancel it because the company sergeant major wants to keep the company back. For those two years, it ain’t your life. Start thinking about it that way. Don’t fight it.
Prepare to lose everything.
retired soldier | 06-Sep-07 at 4:22 pm | Permalink
Yeah, I just let 2.5 years of my life go. Being in an operational unit, there are nothing we can do. Run up, run down. Just switch off and get the things done and go to sleep. Live for the moment. Sweat for the moment. Pain for the moment. Tired for the moment.
The red IC was the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen, when the time came to live a new life outside the army’s gates.
ALPHA!
superman | 06-Sep-07 at 8:27 pm | Permalink
just came across your blog and thought I share my 2 cents worth. I am reaching my 40s and looking back at my silly self back in army and university days I wished someone could have said this to me, so here it goes.
1) losing a girl during army or even university days is really no big deal. there are better girls out there. really. Men always have the advantage on such matters especially when time is always on our side.
2) even if you do get your dream girl, believe me, you will regret it. because there will always be better ones. take it from all my classmates and friends who have been married over these years.
3) focus on dating and learning how to treat a girl right. it is part of growing up. but focus on learning life skills that will be useful to the real world out there. never commit before 28. for most men, we really don’t know what we want in our lives even when we reached 30.
4) date someone who is not from Singapore and make a comparison. you will realise that the world is so much bigger out there and there are a lot of beautiful women out there.
5) the pressure to conform is strong in Singapore. you go through phases. Need to get a girl friend by 18, a steady before you graduate, a HDB flat before 25, first car by 27 etc. but if you survive it, you find that it is fine without all those stuff. that doesn’t mean you are a loser. you just have different priorities.
6) you got to start thinking about your reservist that is coming up. If you work in private sector, especially in high paying jobs, in the finance, investment bank etc, it works against you regardless what they say. If i were you, I would work abroad or do my postgraduate overseas. you will find that it is difficult to serve any reservist at all once you are abroad.
good luck.
Ned Stark | 06-Sep-07 at 8:28 pm | Permalink
Well said Ian. I do agree with you. I remember sitting next to a group of people; two from NS and one a girl. The girl was like boasting about how girls are more loyal than guys and will be less likely to turn on them and my mind was like screaming,” What a load of Bull!”
A lot of my friends lost their relationships in the army. A lot of my friends changed, from the goody two shoes to the havoc kind. It is a sad fact of life. Unfortunately people who do not go into the army (girls etc) do not bother to see things from the NSFs point of view. As for those guys who make a move on the girl…well the world is full of such people and thats the way of it.
DT | 07-Sep-07 at 12:29 am | Permalink
Happened to me. NTU not NUS
I was in NDP and had no weekends and the fucker moved in.
ajneo | 07-Sep-07 at 8:05 am | Permalink
I honestly thought I learnt quite a bit from my NS life. I didnt have a gf before I was enlisted, hence did not have to go through the pain of break-ups.
Personally, I believe we should make the best out of the situations that we are in. Since we have to go through this 2.5 years… why not see how we can make the best out of it.
There are always people that we can learn from… from those screwed up Officers, learn not to be like them… etc.. I was in a highly operational unit, and I certainly toughened up physically and mentally from the experience.
And in case you are wondering, no, I am not pro-government, I am just pro-Singapore.
Daily SG: 7 Sep 2007 « The Singapore Daily | 07-Sep-07 at 11:11 am | Permalink
[...] NSF man caught with rifle - DJ Lamb: Why wasn’t the Public informed about CPL Dave Teo’s act? - Ian: NS - A Pause In Our Lives - ST Video News: Interview with Dave Teo Ming’s ex girlfriend [...]
Panzergrenadier | 08-Sep-07 at 10:07 pm | Permalink
NS experience changes us. Some for the better, some for the worst.
I have seen 2 instances of fatalities in my 2.5 years of full-time and during my 10 years of reservist. The first fatality was tank overturn in armour unit. A regular sgt was killed. He was all of 25 years old.
The second case was during my reservist, he collapsed during 2.4km IPPT during ICT. He was 32.
NS changes. Those of us who survived yet. Hurray. Those who are killed by it, rest in peace.
The point is, NS sucks. It sucks worst during reservist as not only it is your livelihood that becomes at risk due to foreign talent grabbing your jobs/opportunities while you are doing your ICT. Good luck to all of us NSmen.
Mindef reserve loh, dun need to do this NS sh** any more.